In the years I lived as a single man, I had opportunity to observe many couples, and one of the most disconcerting habits I noted was so many couples who made disparaging comments about one another. These ranged from innocent teasing to unintentional slights to rather vicious slurs. I was left wondering why they married if they didn’t even like each other.
As one who is too easily given to sarcasm, I also realized how much I needed to change, so I began to note those couples who speak well of one another.
Michael Hyatt, head of Thomas Nelson publishers, regularly writes about leadership on his blog. He recently wrote an excellent post titled, Why Speaking Well of Your Spouse is So Important. I encourage you to read his entire post, but here are five reasons he gives to speak well of your spouse:
- You get more of what you affirm.
- Affirmation shifts your attitude toward your spouse.
- Affirmation helps strengthen your spouse’s best qualities.
- Affirmation wards off the temptation of adultery.
- Affirmation provides a model to those you lead.
Here are several more thoughts that occurred to me as I read this essay:
- It’s just a whole lot more fun to speak well of Jill. When I make those cutting slights, I gain the immediate gratification of having made people laugh…at her expense. Then I see the guardedness that comes into her eyes, and the humor fizzles.
- Speaking well of your spouse strengthens marriages you may never know. I can’t begin to think of all the couples whose chance commendations warmed my heart and encouraged me to build constructive speech patterns. Who are you influencing? How are you influencing them?
- Genuine appreciation nourishes your spouse and you, while selfishness withers both your souls. Have you ever noticed how small you feel when you do something for yourself to the exclusion of your spouse? Have you experienced the warm glow when you overhear some affirming comment from a close friend, or parent, or your spouse?
- Habits of positive speaking provide much ammunition for training your children to speak rightly. Every parent has had the disconcerting experience of hearing his children parroting some expression. How much easier is it for me to be able to ask our children, “Have you ever heard me speak of your mom like you are speaking of your brother/sister?”
- Speaking as a man, there is nothing more energizing than knowing that Jill is proud of me, is proud to be my wife. It is at one and the same time, humbling because I know how much I don’t deserve it, and exhilarating because she believes in me. A man whose wife affirms him will accomplish more, quicker, and better than he ever could alone.
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Pr 25.11
To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is! Pr 15.23
The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary. Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught. Is 50.4
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